Late Night Ramen

 
We've had many exploits. A good amount involve booze and drugs. They culminated in almost burning down the apartment thanks to late night ramen. We should have seen it coming. Well...he did. I just ignored it.

It was someone's birthday, and my partner was out of town leaving the door wide open for crystal-laced antics. We had a tiny amount and shared it among the two of us. It wasn't enough, so we chased it with cheap tequila. The music pumped either Janet Jackson, Madonna, or some random disco tune, and we danced through our Castle getting ready to gow out throwing feathers and glitter and leather all over the place. A drag queen exploded.

We left the apartment and began our crawl looking for trouble along the way. She stood across the street in a rainbow-silver mini-dress. It was the same as the one in my closet. Her bright red 5-inch platform heels didn't match. Emboldened by intoxication, I approached, my black mesh sleeveless shirt and black and red boa a perfect compliment to her outfit.

"Hey honey. How are you?"

"What do you want, sugar?"

"We're looking for trouble tonight. Know where we could find any?"

"Sugar, dressed like that touble'll find you."

We laughed, kissed cheeks, and went our separate ways. The search continued.

After a few bars, some dancing, and more tequila, vodka, and Jagermeister, we wobbled from Polk street to SOMA, hopeful our quest would be fruitful there. We prowled the backrooms of My Place and Powerhouse and a variety of alleys each time getting a little more drunk, obnoxious, and belligerent. We were on a collision course leading directly to A Taste of Leather and the man dressed in black, a cap shading his eyes, whispering, "K, e, speed, and coke. K, e, speed, and coke."

We pulled out our wallets and counted our change.

"What will $20 get us?"

"Here," and he handed us a small baggie of something transparent white in small rock form as he took our money. "Have fun." He moved on. We stayed put.

"What the hell is this?"

"Looks like speed. Only way to tell is to do it."

"Who's going first?"

"I will! It's my birthday."

We crushed it up, and it was gone in four quick snorts.

There was more booze, some anonymous backroom sex, and a couple of pinball games. Then, everything closed and we were forced to stagger back to our Castle.

"I'm soooo hungry!"

"Me too. We should've had dinner."

"Let's go get food."

"I'm broke. I spent everything I had on drinks and that random shit we did."

"Ho you feeling?"

"I just want to fucking eat! Other than that I am fucking FANTASTIC!"

"Let's go grab some Thai food from Osha. It's cheap. I'll pay."

"Only if we bring it back here. I don't want to sit in the fucking florescent lights."

We managed to call in an order, pick it up, and bring it back to the apartment. Our feast of pad thai, fried tofu, and larb sat between us; chopsticks in both of our hands.

"This is SO good! I have an idea!"

"Oh god no."

"No really. This will be fabulous. You gotta trust me."

"No...I don't trust you."

"Come on! Come on!"

My goading prodded him further. Our feast turned into a mess. Noodles stuck to my face and sauce dripped from my chin. I qwnr in to the kitchen, pulled out a pot, and filled it with water.

"We need ramen!"

"What? We already have food."

"I know. And what would go better with our feast than some Top Ramen?"

It was one of those ideas that drugs makes good.

"We don't need ramen."

"Yes...I think we do."

I put the pot on the stove to boil. We both promptly fell asleep.

He woke up to the stink of the pan burning some hour and a half later. I was still unconscious. He turned off the stove and went back to bed.

The next morning...

"What the hell were you trying to do to me last night? Did you want to kill us?"

"Huh," was all I could muster.

"Ramen...does that ring a bell?"

"Kind of. I think I amde some last night."

"Uh...You started to make some. You were unsuccessful."'

"Really? I could have sworn we had some noodles," as I pulled one still stuck to my cheek.

"That was pad thai. Take a look in the dining room."

Our feast covered the table and spilled on to the floor.

"Wow. That Thai food was really good."

"Then why did you have to make ramen?"

"Because it was a fantastic idea at the time."

"You forgot all about it! I woke up to the pan burning."

"Thank god you were here."

We laughed.

"Yes, thank someone."

I learned my lesson: never listen to that inner voice that says "make ramen" in the early morning hours. Unless your best friend is there to save your life.

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